Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

I feeling this overwhelming need to get a lot done and it’s weighing me down. So, instead of doing the many things I’m supposed to be doing right now during the girls’ nap time, I have a a mug of hot lemon water (my new comfort drink) next to me and I’m wrapped in a blanket facing our lovely, lit-up Christmas tree. Sometimes the best thing I can do when faced with an overwhelming list is pause, rest up, and do what I want to do for a few minutes. 

I’d already started to ponder on what goals I want to set in 2019 when I realized I need to stop and appreciate all that’s happened this year. 

I started 2018 with one goal: become more like Christ. I didn’t make it specific. I didn’t outline out what I was going to do each month to accomplish this goal. I just let myself focus on Christ and survive the year of 101 life-altering changes. It’s been wonderful. 

This year, I’ve spent some quality time with the people I love. When you have a baby or two, lots of people come to visit. I’ve loved my time with my loved ones. I’m so lucky to have my mom, siblings, in-laws, cousins, friends, the list the goes on. 

This year, I survived the last three months of my twin pregnancy, brought those little girls into the world, and kept them alive for more than 8 whole months. It’s been the most rewarding, exhausting, special year of my life. 

This year, I’m on track to finish the Book of Mormon from Russell M. Nelson’s challenge to the women of the Church. I’ve felt the spirit more in the last two months than I have in a very long time. I felt direction and peace. Parenting has become less intimidating. My migraines have become more manageable. I genuinely attribute these blessings to the Book of Mormon. 

This year, I started my own little LLC doing freelance social media marketing. And somehow, I’m meeting my financial goals and enjoying most of what I’m doing. It’s a relief. Worrying over money is never a comfortable place to be. 

This year, I’ve bonded with Chad over taking care of our girls. Last night we each imitated the girl that most looks like us (Chad and Nora. Ellie and me) and nearly fell over laughing in the kitchen. There’s this entirely new part of our relationship now that we’re parents and I love it. It feels right, happy, and a little scary sometimes. 

This year, I’ve felt more love than any year before. I love Ellie and Nora in a way that causes me to stop and wonder every day how I got so lucky to have them together. Those moments happen when I’m playing the piano and they both stop playing and watch me. Those moments happen when I’m reading them cheesy little children’s books and get a little choked up. Those beautiful moments happen when Ellie actually stops wiggling long enough for me to actually feel like we’re snuggling. Those beautiful moments happen when Nora sees me and gives me one of her slow, perfect smiles from across the room. 

This year has had it’s lows. Being pregnant was far from my favorite thing in the world. Have crazy stomach pains, lots of doctor’s appointments, and then finally my gallbladder removed, wasn’t that fun. And sometimes grappling with the fact that I need to take care of my girls all day everyday makes me exhausted. But I wouldn’t change anything for the world. I love my girls. I love my husband. I love our little life in the basement of my grandparents’ home. It’s our little corner of the world and I’m grateful for it.

So here’s to pausing and seeing how far we’ve come before racing on to the next finish line. I’m sure you’ve done some incredible things this year. Find a few minutes to be grateful for 2018 before making plans for 2019. It makes for a peaceful afternoon. 

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