To My Girls

This year, we’ve had a lot of firsts and more lasts than I expected. You fell in love with swaddles, than it was time for you to be unswaddled. You were breast-fed, bottle-fed, and smashed-banana-all-over-the-floor fed. You grew out of more pieces of clothing than I personally own three times over. You went from cooing to blabbing to screaming “Dada” at the top of your lungs. You transitioned from kicking your legs, to rolling, crawling, and someday very soon walking.

Your dad and I sit up at night talking about you two and all the little things you’re accomplishing. To anyone else it’s a mundane conversation, but to us it’s everything. We double over laughing at the faces you make, Ellie, and we melt at the cuddles you so constantly give, Nora. Talking about you two is our favorite topic.

Last week, your dad and I had a rough day. Once dinner was over, we had started counting down til bedtime because we both desperately needed a break, but that quickly changed. We laid on the floor with you and played and played and played. Your giggles and squeals turned our day around. We stayed on the floor for over an hour watching you, Ellie, crawl away as fast as you could only to wait until Dad grabbed your little foot and dragged you back as you laughed and laughed. Nora, we threw you up into the air, over and over again as your head bobbed and your grin spread wider and wider.

Occasionally I look back on my life without you. The life I had in college, married to your dad, or working. It was fun and much more spontaneous, but I was waiting for something. I was waiting for you two. Waiting to feel your little hands climbing up my legs. Waiting to feel your tiny, quick heartbeat through your sleeper. Waiting to sing you primary songs as you fall asleep. You are exactly what I wanted in my life and I didn’t even know it yet.

I love you, sweet girls. I love you and I always will. Happy first birthday. Please don’t grow up too fast. These are those good old days we’re going to reminisce about way too soon. These are the days I always want to remember.

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